"Are you always on the bottom?"

Usually if one of the guys I play with on regular basis said that to me it would be loaded with sexual connotations. And no matter what my answer would have been they would have made that sexual too.

But last night I was playing with a friend that I only play with occasionally, and only in Call of Duty 4. After the match was over when both sides were sitting in the game lobby waiting for the next match to start he asked "Pengwenn are you always on the bottom?"

A had a moment of stunned silence, but before I could say anything the game lobby closed and we were all back in the party lobby. I thought for sure he'd bring it up again especially since it was just friends in the room now, but he didn't. I asked him to repeat himself but other friends piped in and started talking about other things. I don't know if they were doing it to spare my feelings or they just didn't hear. With how much talking and taunting that sometimes goes on in game lobbies with this group of guys I'm pretty sure they heard.

It doesn't bother me that he asked if I always place last in the rankings because I do. What bothers me is that I always place last in the rankings. If I can score 50+ points a match that's pretty good. It bothers me that no matter how I play (cautious or running and gunning) I always finish last on our team and either last or next to last overall. It bothers me that both of my brothers consistently do better than me. It bothers me that I love the game but I don't know how to play it to the best of my advantage.

There's a card game my family likes to play. It's called Scum. There's a President, Vice President and the middle class. After the middle class you have "next to scum" and scum. Obviously those players are the worst ones in the game. After every hand you'll move your position depending on how you played the game. A scum could become President. A President could become scum. I do better playing that game than I do Call of Duty 4.

So to answer that question, Yes, I'm always last. How long my friends continue to play with me when they realize I'm always last I don't know. Somebody's always going to be last. But with me in the game everyone else could only do as bad as "next to scum".