Destined for Failure

It's gone.

No more.

Inaccessible.

Ruined.

I've been spending a lot of time playing Final Fantasy VII and I've been very proud at how well I've done. I've spent 40 hours and 42 minutes, reached level 50, had one Materia mastered and was within 3-4 battles of mastering another plus 1-2 hours more of mastering 1 or 2 more. And I still wasn't to the point in the story where I was before all my stuff was stolen. I was playing smart. I was being careful. But not careful enough.

On Sunday, I turned the PS on and tried to load my game file when I got an error message that said the "File is ruined". Not a nice polite "you game save is corrupt" or "can no longer read saved file". But a quick short little "you are fucked" type message.

I was being careful in the game in how I played and managed characters, but not with my save file. That was the only save file I was using. I've played and restarted this game enough to know exactly what I had to do and where I would have problems. I carefully saved before those moments. And once again right after. But all on the save file slot. It never crossed my mind that my save file would somehow, some way become "ruined" and I would be out of luck.

After a brief moment of stunned silence I tried looking at the file on the PS dashboard. Nothing wrong there. I even tried copying the file to another memory card. No such luck. Even putting the card in my PS2 and trying it from there didn't matter. I was screwed.

And I was pissed. At myself.

The first feeling I had when I realized it was a lost cause was that I was robbed all over again. The first time I missed all my stuff but what I missed the most was my memory cards. Hundreds on hundreds of hours of gameplay in hundreds of games lost. All that work would have to be repeated and more hours would be lost that I could be playing other games but instead had to sit and replay games and levels I had already done.

But this time it was worse because I had done it to myself. Through my own stupidity I had doomed myself to Murphy's Law. I made a conscious effort to replay this game and finish it (after all this is one of the reasons I started this blog many years ago). I didn't learn my lesson about loosing a game save file before and I did nothing to prevent such a problem from happening again. Although this time it's by mechanical/electrically failure instead of theft.

And now, if I want to complete the challenge I have with my brother, I'm left to start all over again. It took a couple of days before I could call dain and commiserate about my fate. I had briefly considered asking him if I could copy one of his game saves and just start from there (I was further along than him so I wouldn't have to repeat as much). But that felt like cheating and I would never know what he did earlier in the story that might effect things later on.

So the more I think about starting again the more I also have to wonder about what happened. Why did the file get ruined? Was there a spike in the power that corrupted the file? Did that spot on the memory card finally burn out or something? Is there a flaw in the disk that would have made any save file corrupt at that point in the game? What if I play all the way to that point again (The Temple of the Ancients) and the same thing happens? I could create a backup file but wouldn't that file be ruined as well?

Yes, I've started the game again. I blew up the No. 1 reactor in Midgar for the hundredth time (it sure seems that way) and finally got to a save point. I save the file. And saved it again in another slot. I didn't save it to another card but I think the next time I put the game in I will. And maybe a third card as well. But I'm beginning to wonder if I'm destined for failure with this game. Are the fates (or the Ancients) trying to tell me NOT to play (or at least finish) this game? If I do finish it maybe that's when the world will end. Either way I feel destined to fail.