The end for Frag Dolls

Sadly, I found out today that the Frag Dolls are ending.  You can read their blog post about it here.


I started playing video games a long time before I played anything online with other people.  I was hesitant at first at doing so because I was a girl and "girls just don't video games".  The first game I played online was Star Wars Battlefront on the original Xbox.  I think I played every night for more than a month before I finally said anything in the matches.  When I did, it blew some people's mind that I was a girl.  They just thought I was stupid because I spelled penguin (Pengwenn) wrong.

I got a lot of flack those first 2 weeks I started talking when people started to learn I was a girl.  People wanted to play with me and just wanted to hear me talk.  They would do everything they could to get me to say something.  They would follow me around and shoot at me, even if we were on the same team.  They wanted to get a rise out of me enough that I would say something.  It was annoying, but I'm more patient than they could possible imagine.

Occasionally I would get fed up and yell at them and then they would talk smack to me about swearing and being a girl, and why was I playing video games, and why I was so bad, and what my problem was, etc.  If I ever got in to a battle with someone and they were watching, they wouldn't help me out.  They would stand back and watch how things turned out.  If I won, they would say I cheating because that's the only way a girl could win.  If I lost, they would say I should stop gaming and get to the kitchen because I was so terrible.

And then there's all the sexual harassment crap I had to take from all the assholes out there because I was a girl.  Don't get me started on that.

There was a time when I wanted to give up gaming online because of all the harassment I was getting.  It didn't last long though because I really loved playing Battlefront . . . and I just stopped using a headset when things got really bad.

I did learn how to find really cool guys, that might be surprised that I was a girl, but didn't seem to care about it.  I was a gamer to them.  Someone who liked playing video games with other like-minded individuals.  As long as we had fun they didn't care if I had tits and a vagina.  And sometimes they even forgot that I did.

I have several memories where one or more of my guy friends stood up for me while playing matches online.  Killafoola was the first.  MasvHdWundHarry was the fiercest.  And Evil Ric, cyberWRAT and NatraZamataZ seemed to be the most welcoming of letting a girl play with them.  They have been my friends since the beginning and they still are today.

I remember when I first discovered the Frag Dolls.  I was thrilled that there were other girls playing video games and that I wasn't alone and there was someone else to relate to.  I followed what they were doing.  Even sought out their advise a time or two.  They gave me hope that things would get better, and to remember to keep playing until they do.

They were right.

Things have come a long way since 2004.  It's still not perfect.  There are still douche bags online that think the only way to talk to a girl is by tearing them down.  Luckily I've gotten older and wiser and know how to avoid and/or ignore them most of the time.  I am a strong woman, and gamer, because I saw in the Frag Dolls that it was possible to become one.

Sadly, I haven't followed them as much as I use to the last couple of years.  I've grown more confident and secure in myself as a gamer.  I was still happy that they existed for all the new girls coming in to gaming that could use the help support that I didn't have initially.  It's sad to see them go.  I hope that support will continue from all of us lady gamers to help another generation of woman pick up a control or keyboard and mouse and kick people's asses.  It's really fun to do so.  Whether your or guy OR a girl.

One among many

So there's something I realized last night while playing Gears of War that I don't know how to feel about. On the one hand it's a good thing and I'm excited about it. On the other it doesn't make me feel special anymore. And a girl always likes to feel special.

What is it?

Girl gamers.

When I first started playing online I seemed to be the only girl playing in a room. Which is why I would never say anything over the mic. After awhile I started playing with a great group of guys that didn't mind that I was a girl. And playing with their friends led me to more great people who also didn't mind playing with a girl. When one or two of them turned out to be a girl as well, I was excited. Finally, someone else that I can relate to.

As time has gone by my group of friends has expanded and more girls have entered my friends list. There was still a lot more of my male friends on the list than women. I always thought that I was a little bit special with my guy friends because there wasn't a lot of girls on their friends lists either. But now things are changing.

Based on the game play over the last couple of weeks it's hard for me to imagine that there isn't a lot of girls playing video games. Somehow this larger number of girls playing games seemed disportionate to what everyone else in the industry is saying about girls playing video games. But last night it hit me.

I love playing video games with the core group of guys I play with almost every night. Why? Because they don't mind that I'm a girl. To them I'm just another gamer. So why am I not surprised that this group of guys, who so openly accepted me, would atrack and have other girl gamers as friends? I shouldn't be, but I am a little bit surprised at the larger number of girl gamers that these guys play with compared to other gamers. You would think that girl gamers are coming out of the woodwork whenever these guys play.

As a girl, when you play online you're constantly bombarded by sexual harassment and innuendos by male gamers. They're usually Jr or Sr High school students and sometimes in college (although there's been older jerks and younger good guys) and they think "they're all that" and more. So as a girl when you find those diamonds in the rough that don't mind you being a girl or playing better (or worse) than them, you naturally want to play with them. So the fact that those individuals that I call "my group of guys" has a lot of female friends they play games with doesn't surprise me.

It might make me feel a little less special knowing I'm just one of the guys . . . or should that be one of the girls . . . on their lists. It's also comforting and exciting to play with these gentlemen and meet all the other girls they play with. I might be one among many and sometimes that's not so bad.