Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Wham Bam! Thank you ma'am

So yesterday I got this message on Xbox Live:

"Do you want to get married in Fable III and have a kid?"

With a romantic proposition like that how could a girl refuse? If it would have come from a stranger I would have deleted it right away. But it came from a friend. They also mentioned that 2 achievements were involved just in case I didn't know.

Even before Fable III came out, as soon as I learned that you could marry/have sex/have a child with your friends (and I guess total strangers) on Xbox Live I wondered when someone would ask me. And I also wondered how you started that conversation. I also wondered who the first person would be to proposition me.

The first person to mention anything was Pogue who promptly put a question up on Facebook about what the first person gets for sleeping with me. I didn't want to encourage him (give Pogue and inch and he will go a mile) so I let his comment slide.

I thought for sure that some of my friends would try to marry others and leave me out of it, but apparently there are no gay marriages in the land of Albion. So I wasn't surprised at who sent the message (I'll call him ALPHA to protect his [somewhat] innocence). And I wasn't surprised at someone else who wanted to "marry" me first (I'll call him BRAVO).

When I turned on my 360 last night it was, once again, having problems reading disks. This would be the fourth machine (3 elites, 1 arcade) that is having the same problem ALL WITHIN A YEAR. (I'll say more on that in a later post.) I called dain over to see if we can figure out why all my systems are failing with the same problem. This led to a lot of log in/log out moments for me. BRAVO sent me a message asking if I wanted to play Fable III. No proposal. No proposition. Just a simple message for a game invite. I explained to him that I was having problems and that I'd let him know when I was able to play.

About 45 minutes later I finally was able to get online and play. I jumped in a party with ALPHA and gave him a hard time about his message. What? No wining or dining? At least he could play a song on the Lute for me first. The funny part was Evil jumped into our party in the middle of our conversation and heard ALPHA say "we'll have sex and have a child, what do you say to that?" Evil's response was a befuddled "um, okay there". I left ALPHA to explain to him what was going on and I jumped into a party with BRAVO to tell him I was ready to play. A little while later ALPHA jumped in with us and all hell broke loss.

ALPHA thought he was going to wed and bed me first, but I had promised BRAVO over an hour ago that I'd play with him (although no mention of marriage was involved). ALPHA made a comment about "sloppy seconds" that almost jeopardized his chance of getting lucky at all that night. (Who you calling sloppy?) But in the end we worked it out. I invited BRAVO in, we got married, had sex, and had a child. Then he stepped out of my game and I invited ALPHA in. That's when the groping began.

Yes, Fable has expressions where you can hug, kiss and dance with someone, among other things. I guess it was ALPHA's form of foreplay, and sometimes "thanks" afterwards. But come on. A girl's got a game to play. ALPHA and I eventually got married, had sex, had a child, then some more groping before I finally took him around the town so he could buy legendary weapons from my game. We joined in a partnership and he bought a few property then finally left my game (after another round of horizontal hokey-pokey).

BRAVO came back into my game and we spent the rest of the night playing some side missions, shopping for property/weapons and shooting gnomes. The villager that I created online finally showed up in the game so I introduced the two. We rolled around in the sack a couple more times before we finally went to bed . . . in the real world.

As an added treat for both guys before each wedding I went back to my sanctuary and took off all my clothes . . . at least the ones the game lets me. I think they really enjoyed that (BRAVO had seen me 'naked' before). I guess I'll have to do the same thing for any other friend that wants to marry me and have a kid in the game for a couple of achievements. It would have been funny if gay marriage was allowed. Then ALPHA and BRAVO would have invited me to their wedding as a guest and not a participant. Which would have been interesting if you could get an orgy going with your friends. (I don't think my friends would let me play anything else if that was the case.)

After a stressful, frustrating beginning to the night trying to get my 360 working properly it was a great relief and one hell of a good time to play with, marry, have sex with, have a child with a couple of friends in Fable III. I needed that, in more ways than one. I just hope I don't become a two-bit floozy with them thinking they can meet me any time for a booty call in the game. I'll be happy to oblige, but I don't want to be yelled at for not finishing another game because my friends won't let me out of the bedroom.


Zenra Nukenin said...

Your 360s won't read discs because of the pet dander. Keep Zoe shaved and see if I'm right.

Pengwenn said...

You can't shave dogs in AZ. Too hot in the summer time, too cold in the winter.

I've wondered if pet hair hasn't been an issue. Unfortunately I had Zoe for 9 months before I had any problems with any 360.

And if you ever get Fable III I'll marry you Zen. ;)