Friday, May 8, 2009

A dog lover, a bigamist and horny as hell

No, that title is not the opening line to a joke . . . or my profile on an online dating website. I'm talking about a game people. Fable II to be precise.

Okay, lets start with the "dog lover". Yes, I know you'd rather talk about being a bigamist or horny as hell, but it's my blog so I get to talk about what I want in the order I want to talk about it. Just consider the "dog lover" talk to be foreplay before we get to the good stuff.

I was playing Fable II and I taught my dog Meko a new trick. Then I started to perform the action that would make Meko do the trick. At the same time my own real life dog Zoe was sitting in front of me wanting desperately to be petted. When she heard Meko bark her ears perked up and she got very still. I made Meko bark a few more times then Zoe turned around and started staring at the TV.

After a few more tricks Zoe walked up to the TV and tried to find the dog I must be hiding underneath the TV. She couldn't find it. So she tried looking behind the TV to find the dog. No luck there. She finally came back to the front of the TV and some movement on the screen must have caught her eye. She stared directly at the screen and watched my character interact with Meko. I pointed to the screen and said "look at the doggy Zoe" and she immediately made the connection between Meko, the dog on the screen, and the sound of the barking. If I ran around so Meko was on the left of the screen, Zoe would move over to the left side of the TV, hop up on the edge of the TV stand and stare right where Meko was. If I moved Meko to the right side, Zoe would move over there. She even started whining at the screen. And once she growled because I made Meko growl. When she started licking the screen, trying to get to the dog, I almost fell over because I was laughing so hard. It made me wish I had a video camera so I could show you what she was like. Yes, I am a dog lover . . . and apparently Zoe is too.

Now for the juicy parts.

I'm now a bigamist. Yep. I'm married . . . twice. At the same time. At least my character in Fable II is. The first marriage was easy. Getting that second marriage was a little harder. I don't know why. I've proposed to several people. I've almost got a whole village engaged to me. But actually tying the knot for the second time and getting the Bigamist achievement seemed elusive. No matter how many properties I bought I wasn't given the opportunity to make it a marriage house.

Then I started working on one of the side quests. I was suppose to deliver a rejection letter to a guy named Alex in town. When I got there my options were to 1) deliver the letter and break his heart or 2) marry him. I chose to marry him. I didn't marry him for love, or money . . . I married him for the achievement and I'm happy with that. And for right now Alex is happy too.

My problem now is I can't figure out how to have sex. Looking at dain's achievements I saw that he has had sex, and a child, so I'd figure I'd ask for his advice. Can you image how awkward it would be if your sister came up to you and asked you how to have sex and a child? It was a little bit awkward but we laughed about it and then I listened to his advice. It was essentially 1) get someone to fall in love with you, 2) get them to follow you, and 3) find the closest bed and "activate" it.

I tried to follow his advice, but when I get to the bed my only option is to rest. I tried it with my first husband (I figured I should give our marriage a chance first before I start stepping out on him) but that didn't work. I've tried it with several of my fiances and with total strangers. Apparently it's "not tonight, I've got a headache" for everyone in Albion except me. But then again maybe I'm too horny for anyone to give in to their "swinger" tendencies.

Yep, you heard me. I'm horny.

I've got two giant horns growing out of my forehead that hang all the way down to my chin. Did you think I was talking about any other kind of horny? I wasn't planning on playing up my darker half, but all the stealing I've been doing seems to have an effect on my appearance. Grown men have run screaming from my presence. And I recently got the "Extremist" achievement for obtaining 100% corruption. I'm not 100% evil yet because I think marrying Alex was a good thing, even if it made me a bigamist. And I might have done a few good deeds at the beginning. Maybe it's just that all the citizens of Albion aren't interested in doing a little "horizontal hokey-pokey" with a character that looks like a devil. Devil's need some loving too, you know.

I think it might have something to do with the expressions. I sold a few books before I read them so there are some expressions I don't have that I should. Those missing expressions might included something along the lines of "lets get busy" but since I don't have those books anymore I wouldn't know. All my money currently has been going into buying real estate. I want to be the horniest Donald Trump of Albion. I would say the world, but we've already got one of those.

So if any of you would like to offer some advice as to how I (meaning my character) can have sex (or the appearance of sex) in a video game (so I can get an achievement), let me know. Feel free to consult your wives, girlfriends or significant others before doing so. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble or the title of "Swinger" or "Bigamist" in real life. Let's just keep those in the video games, shall we?

5 comments:

metallicorphan said...

LOL,weird i have just started to play Fable 2 again last week and haven't been off it since then

my dog is called Cujo-(to go well with my Cat,Carrie)

Dain was more or less right about sex,but there is a book in Bowerstown Book shop called 'come hether my dear' or something like that,when you read it you get the expression 'come back to my place' in the flirty expressions


get someone to fall in love with you,i use the left trigger to highlight them as well..press RB to being up your expressions,go to flirty,go to 'come back to my place' and if she agrees she will automatically be following you

find a bed and activate it with your other half in pull...then it will give you a choice
protected sex
unprotected sex

some people will refuse your sex offerings unless you give them a ring first,you being married already shouldnt be a problem..try getting that book


when you get married,having unprotected sex gives you a little kid

you may wanna steer clear of what i have done,my wife divorced me because i was away for so long,and took the kid..so i went to westcliff and picked up a prostitute(wendy the whore i think her name was) and had unprotected sex..and caught two STDs!!

i'm a goodie little two shoes..i cant walk in Bowerstone without the women wanting to get married(and the men!!!)


i have actually used the come back to my place exression on 3 gypsies at once and had an orgy!!(i think you get an achievement for that as well)

condoms are available from all good chemists...i mean from the little stalls,or maybe your dog will find some(whether this is different for a girl character i don't know)

go to Oakfield Penny,the demon door wants you to propose to someone in front of it,do that and it opens up,and you get your own marriage house and land and windmill etc..its really cool

sorry for long post

Pengwenn said...

Yeah, my dog dug up a condem. I just don't know what it is but the sex option isn't available when I activate a bed, no matter who or how many people I've got with me. I've been so frustrated with it lately that I'll I've been doing is forging weapons. It helps get the aggression out.

metallicorphan said...

yeah just get the book from Bowerstone book shop (Fiction Burns) and you will be fine

the book i think is just called 'Come hether,dear'..not what i said above


i just did Knothole Island DLC yesterday,quite good looking forward to Tuesday for the new DLC

Pengwenn said...

I'm trying to work on the Archeologies mission (when I'm not trying to have sex) but it says I haven't opened up the area that I need to go to. I've been exploring everywhere (except Knothole island) so I don't know why I can't start out on that quest.

metallicorphan said...

well,have you unlocked Bloodstone yet?..i have just unlocked that the other day..on the way to Bloodstone are other places that a lot of Archeologist digs were

how many Arch digs have you done?

you can only do 3 in early adulthood and then another 5 or 6 in late adulthood and then the last 4 after the game has finished

some digs you wont even know where they are until you travel to the place and your dog starts going apeshit with the dig sign above his head


this is all of them:
1-Bowerstone old town-early adulthood

2-Rookridge-early adulthood

3-Bowerstone Cemetery-Early Adulthood

4-Oakfield-late adulthood

5-Bower Lake-late adulthood

6-Brightwood-late adulthood

7-Bandit Coast-Late Adulthood

8-Westcliff-Late Adulthood

9-Gemstone Grotto-late adulthood

10-wraithmarsh-after main quest finishes

11-Bloodstone-after main quest finishes

12-Guild Cave-after main quest finishes

13-Reevers rear passage-after main quest finishes