Friday, August 20, 2010

Rock music isn't for everyone

Sometimes it feels like a game is out to get you. Like playing through the Dark Carnival campaign in Left 4 Dead 2 four times before I finally got the achievement after the rock concert. Or Genghis's multiple attempts to fire up a clown only to have the clown be the one to run through the flames and not burn. These moments make you want to put down a game and never play it again.

Then there are other moments, like last night, that make all the frustration worth it. Moments like Sneaka's obsessive cuddling of Gnome Chompski. I think he would have thrown his own children under the bus if it would have saved Gnome. And don't get me started on the bad 'gnome' puns he started to come up with.

But there was one moment that trumped everything else. A moment that left me laughing for a good 10 minutes after the game. So much so that I had to leave my mic on mute and I was afraid I would never breathe again. What happened, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya.

We were on our second or third time through on the rock concert chapter of Dark Carnival. Sneaka was bonding with his gnome and the rest of us were just trying to get out of there alive.

Apparently we weren't the only ones.

When the helicopter finally came down to the bleachers guess who was the first person on board? Not Rochelle. Not Coach. Not Ellis. And definitely not Nick. We all gave ourselves a shot of adrenaline and made a beeline for the safety of the helicopter's skids when as soon as we get there a Tank jumps up into the stands . . . AND JUMPS UP ON THE HELICOPTER SKIDS! Our mode of escape is now blocked by the very worse possible zombie you could find.

While this image was funny in and of itself there were three other things that started my giggle fit. One was the that I was first to the copter and I got to watch the copter tilt and sway as the Tank tried to climb in. For some reason the Tank tried to climb in twice. Each time the copter dipped and swayed with the weight of the Tank. All I could think of was "I'm not getting on that thing" and not because of the Tank would have pummeled me to bits before the copter got out of there. But because I wasn't sure what the weight limit would be on that thing. If you're escaping a horde of zombies the last thing you want to do is get on a copter that may not make it off the ground.

The other thing that made me giggle like a school girl who just got all the Jonas Brothers to autograph her TrapperKeeper was the squeals of disbelief from my friends when they saw their exit blocked by the Tank. The first moment of their "oh sh#t what do we do now" screams were priceless. The next few moments of game play consisted of us running around trying to lure the Tank away from the helicopter without having the enormous horde of the undead overwhelm us mere feet from our rescue.

The last thing that happened that put the whole incident over the edge for me was when Sneaka took his beloved Gnome, still cradled lovingly in his arms, and tried to jump into the helicopter. Apparently the Tank wanted the helicopter all to himself . . . or maybe just Sneaka . . . because he knocked the gnome out of Sneaka's hands and finally the Tank got out of the helicopter. Because of the hordes of zombies now all around us nobody could find where good old Chompski went. I finally found him at the base of the stands and had to fight my way to save him. Sneaka's wails of separation from his beloved were filled with untold anguish and pain. And the whole time I was laughing my ass off.

We eventually all got on the helicopter, including Gnome Chompski, and made it out of there alive. For almost the whole credit roll and for several minutes afterwards in the lobby all I could do was sit there and laugh. It was the funniest moment of my gaming life. I wish there had been some kind of way to record it and save it for posterity. It would have been a hit on YouTube.

After I stopped laughing I took a second look at the upcoming Zombie Armageddon. If you're not infected and can't get out of there alive, but the zombies want to escape, let them have the damn helicopter. They can fly off to whatever human free zone they call paradise and be undead happily ever after. No more car alarms to rile them up anymore. Maybe then us humans can enjoy a full rock concert in peace. Minus the Spitters, Smokers, Jockeys and Tanks.


Helll Weasell said...

WTF is a TrapperKeeper?!?!?!

K-man has a very under-rated sense of humor, in my opinion.

Pengwenn said...

Any child of the 80's would know what a TrapperKeeper was (a special notebook/binder for school).

And I think you meant to say Sneaka's humor is UNrated because that sweat man can let some zingers fly at times. And coming from him they're so much more effective and shocking.

Helll Weasell said...

I never had any of those. Always had plain black binders. Although I do remember having a Bo Derek duotang.

Zak said...

TrapperKeeper??????? High school was about the Pee Chee folder. ha ha ha.