New Poll - Have you had sex in a video game?

Here's my latest poll:

Have you had sex in a video game?

"black coffee" was HOT! (GTA)
I hired a hooker in Bloodstone (Fable II)
I've only slept with my spouse (Fable II)
I don't kiss and tell

Vote in the poll and then let me know what you think in my comments. We don't need to know all the dirty details . . . save that for your letter to Playboy.

Poll Results - Read a book?

Here's the latest poll results:

When was the last time you read a book?

Within the last month = 3 votes
Within the last 3 months = 0 votes
Within the last 6 months = 0 votes
Within the last year = 2 votes
What's a book? = 4 votes

Okay one of you admitted voting for the last one a couple of times. I wish all those "What's a book?" votes were mistakes or someone just goofing around. Not only are you messing with the integrity of my polls but you're bumming me out if that's how you really feel.

Personally, I read about 12-24 books a year. Last year I didn't read that many but then I was spending my time trying to buy a house from April 'till October when I finally closed the deal. I even keep a log and 3x5 cards on all the books I read. It's a habit I picked up in college when I had to do it for a class. I had to read 50 books in that semester. Luckily they were suppose to be books that kids in Junior or Senior High would read. It was daunting at first, but once you started to realize what books they liked and how short they usually were they ended up being fast reads. Of course, they were also filled with teenage angst and drama and the writing was usually pretty sappy. You just had to cringe and get through it. I think I ended up reading 52 books for that class.

Dain Bramage was never a reader. He looked at books as a pile of hundreds of little paper cuts waiting to strike at you. I turned him around. I asked him to read Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. When he wouldn't comply I gave him the book for his birthday (or maybe Christmas) with a large gift card to Game Stop to use as a bookmark. I told him he couldn't cash the card in until he read the book. I didn't think he would stick to that but he did. And he loved the book. I think it took me two years to convince him to read the first Harry Potter book but he's been hooked ever since.

He's read the "Otherland" series by Tad Williams, "The Homecoming" series and the "Ender's Shadow" series by Orson Scott Card. He also picked up the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe series all on his own. (I'm so proud.) I then recommended the Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson. The last book in that series just came out last year in hardback and should be coming out this summer in paperback.

The first book in the series is called Mistborn: The Final Empire. It's kind of strange to have "final" in the title when it's the first book in the series. But it's a great series. The magic system in the book is incredible. Every time I've read the books I can't help but think "that would make a GREAT video game". Usually you have books made into movies. I can see that happening with this series. But it's the possibilities with the magic system that would make it a great video game, even an MMO video game.

People are able to 'perform' magic by first ingesting metal shavings and then burning them. But not all people can do this. If you can only burn one metal, like tin which enhances the senses, you're called a Misting. If, on the other hand, you're one of the few people who can burn ALL the different types of metal you're called a Mistborn. You can burn the metal to 'push' yourself off of anything metal, or burn another metal to 'pull' yourself towards a metal surfaces. You could burn another metal to see briefly into the future, which comes in handy when you're locked in a battle with someone. There's metals to soothe other peoples emotions . . . or to riot them up. If you're Mistborn and can burn them all it's wonderful. If you're a Misting you can be a specialist. Think of trying to fight someone while you (or them) are flying through the air bouncing off of metal spires or door hinges.

I've meet Brandon Sanderson many times at conventions. I even interviewed him for a podcast for a writing website I'm a moderator on. He's a great guy and he tells a great story (and he's finishing the Wheel of Time series for the late Robert Jordan). If they can make novels into movies then turn those movies back into "novelizations" they can certainly make this series into a video game. Maybe it could turn into something like the Expanded Universe of Star Wars. Except this time it starts with a book. And so should you. Pick it up and read it.

A dog lover, a bigamist and horny as hell

No, that title is not the opening line to a joke . . . or my profile on an online dating website. I'm talking about a game people. Fable II to be precise.

Okay, lets start with the "dog lover". Yes, I know you'd rather talk about being a bigamist or horny as hell, but it's my blog so I get to talk about what I want in the order I want to talk about it. Just consider the "dog lover" talk to be foreplay before we get to the good stuff.

I was playing Fable II and I taught my dog Meko a new trick. Then I started to perform the action that would make Meko do the trick. At the same time my own real life dog Zoe was sitting in front of me wanting desperately to be petted. When she heard Meko bark her ears perked up and she got very still. I made Meko bark a few more times then Zoe turned around and started staring at the TV.

After a few more tricks Zoe walked up to the TV and tried to find the dog I must be hiding underneath the TV. She couldn't find it. So she tried looking behind the TV to find the dog. No luck there. She finally came back to the front of the TV and some movement on the screen must have caught her eye. She stared directly at the screen and watched my character interact with Meko. I pointed to the screen and said "look at the doggy Zoe" and she immediately made the connection between Meko, the dog on the screen, and the sound of the barking. If I ran around so Meko was on the left of the screen, Zoe would move over to the left side of the TV, hop up on the edge of the TV stand and stare right where Meko was. If I moved Meko to the right side, Zoe would move over there. She even started whining at the screen. And once she growled because I made Meko growl. When she started licking the screen, trying to get to the dog, I almost fell over because I was laughing so hard. It made me wish I had a video camera so I could show you what she was like. Yes, I am a dog lover . . . and apparently Zoe is too.

Now for the juicy parts.

I'm now a bigamist. Yep. I'm married . . . twice. At the same time. At least my character in Fable II is. The first marriage was easy. Getting that second marriage was a little harder. I don't know why. I've proposed to several people. I've almost got a whole village engaged to me. But actually tying the knot for the second time and getting the Bigamist achievement seemed elusive. No matter how many properties I bought I wasn't given the opportunity to make it a marriage house.

Then I started working on one of the side quests. I was suppose to deliver a rejection letter to a guy named Alex in town. When I got there my options were to 1) deliver the letter and break his heart or 2) marry him. I chose to marry him. I didn't marry him for love, or money . . . I married him for the achievement and I'm happy with that. And for right now Alex is happy too.

My problem now is I can't figure out how to have sex. Looking at dain's achievements I saw that he has had sex, and a child, so I'd figure I'd ask for his advice. Can you image how awkward it would be if your sister came up to you and asked you how to have sex and a child? It was a little bit awkward but we laughed about it and then I listened to his advice. It was essentially 1) get someone to fall in love with you, 2) get them to follow you, and 3) find the closest bed and "activate" it.

I tried to follow his advice, but when I get to the bed my only option is to rest. I tried it with my first husband (I figured I should give our marriage a chance first before I start stepping out on him) but that didn't work. I've tried it with several of my fiances and with total strangers. Apparently it's "not tonight, I've got a headache" for everyone in Albion except me. But then again maybe I'm too horny for anyone to give in to their "swinger" tendencies.

Yep, you heard me. I'm horny.

I've got two giant horns growing out of my forehead that hang all the way down to my chin. Did you think I was talking about any other kind of horny? I wasn't planning on playing up my darker half, but all the stealing I've been doing seems to have an effect on my appearance. Grown men have run screaming from my presence. And I recently got the "Extremist" achievement for obtaining 100% corruption. I'm not 100% evil yet because I think marrying Alex was a good thing, even if it made me a bigamist. And I might have done a few good deeds at the beginning. Maybe it's just that all the citizens of Albion aren't interested in doing a little "horizontal hokey-pokey" with a character that looks like a devil. Devil's need some loving too, you know.

I think it might have something to do with the expressions. I sold a few books before I read them so there are some expressions I don't have that I should. Those missing expressions might included something along the lines of "lets get busy" but since I don't have those books anymore I wouldn't know. All my money currently has been going into buying real estate. I want to be the horniest Donald Trump of Albion. I would say the world, but we've already got one of those.

So if any of you would like to offer some advice as to how I (meaning my character) can have sex (or the appearance of sex) in a video game (so I can get an achievement), let me know. Feel free to consult your wives, girlfriends or significant others before doing so. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble or the title of "Swinger" or "Bigamist" in real life. Let's just keep those in the video games, shall we?

Poll Results - Have you played BioShock?

Here are the poll results:

Have you played BioShock?

Yes = 7 votes
No = 2 votes
My name is Evil Ric and I will play this game before the poll closes or Pengwenn will delete me from her friend's list = 4 votes

Evil tried to be sneaky and kept voting for the last one, but fortunately it only let him clone himself 3 times before it wouldn't let him do it again. Trust me, we don't need any more Evil Rics in our lives, I'm just saying. And yes, he's still on my friend's list.

For those who voted "no" I'd like to know why you haven't picked up the game yet. It's a fantastic game and it's pretty cheap now. Once we get closer to BioShock 2 that might not be the case.

When I played this game it scared the willies out of me. Every time I heard the thump of a Big Daddy's footsteps I'd stop and look around me . . . on the screen and in my apartment. It was just that creepy. Of course it helped that I usually played it with the lights off at night. I even blogged about a specific night where I was going through a particularly wet part of the game and there was a huge thunderstorm outside. Rain was coming down in sheets and once again it scared the willies out of me.

And I don't want to spoil anything for Evil but when you get to the big reveal about who your character is, what he does, and WHY he does it I just had to go WOW! I never would have guessed about that. But when I stopped to think about it made perfect sense. It made me feel like I couldn't wait to play it again to pick up on all the subtle things I missed that would have pointed me right to that conclusion.

And this is a game I will play again . . . and not just to get the missing achievements. I can't tell you how many times I just spent wandering around in an area LOOKING at things. Art on the walls, construction of buildings, debris left laying around, corpses ripped open with blood everywhere. It was beautiful. As visually stunning as the game is I wished I had a surround sound system to play the game with. That would have been awesome. To hear which direction the Big Daddy is coming from right from the get go would be fantastic. Without a surround system the game does okay in that respect but it still would have been nice to play the game the way it was meant to be played.

I did have some trouble in parts of the game, but mostly because I forgot what my objective was and where I had to go. Other times was because the enemy was too good for the type of weapons or plasmids I was using. I was using a slow gun . . . they were fast. I had inferno equipped . . . they were immune to fire. That kind of thing. Although I had my comfort zone of what weapons and plasmids I was confident with the game forced me to try new things. I don't think I would have used telekinesis if I hadn't had to. But once I got the hang of it I thought that enhancement was fun. And there were times in the game where I saved it every time I came to a corner . . . and then once again when I got around it. And I think I was playing on easy.

I will play it on the super hard mode so I can get that "Ball buster" achievement. It might take me a long time, and many saves, to do it without dying but it will be worth it. If you haven't played it yet. Do it now. If you haven't finished the game, what are you waiting for? And then just before BioShock 2 comes out put the game back in and play again. Would you kindly do so.

Thanks. I'll see you in Rapture.

New Poll - Have you played BioShock?

Here's my new poll:

Have you played BioShock?:

Yes
No
My name is Evil Ric and I will play this game before the poll closes or Pengwenn will delete me from her friend's list

Let's see what happens, shall we?

Poll Results - What kind of soldier are you?

A little late, but here are the poll results:

What kind of soldier are you?

I melee; therefore I am = 1 vote
Double barrel action for me (shotgun)= 1 vote
Robin Hood to the rescue (bows)= 0 votes
A single shot is all I need (sniper) = 1 vote
Call me 1-800-FLOWERS (frags) = 1 vote
Don't call me fat (heavy gunner) = 3 votes

I think I voted for the heavy gunner option. But to be honest things have been really hectic around here (which is why I haven't posted much) so I can't remember if I voted at all. Oh, the shame!

I know, or can figure out, some of the choices of what my friends picked. Kaiakapero is on a sniper kick right now so I know what he voted for. I have some friends that I'm sure didn't vote but I know how they would have voted if they did. El Sand Dog would either vote for grenades (since he was always tagging people in the first Gears of War) but he might vote for the heavy gunner now (because he seems obsessed with the mortar gun, even if he can't pronounce it properly). If Hell Weasel voted I think he would have picked the bow. He's one mean shot with the torque bow.

For me, the two weapons that I can use most effectively in Gears of War 2 are the Scorcher and the Boomshot. Every other weapon is hit or miss . . . but mostly miss. I prefer to stay back from all the fire fights and work on firing as a distraction or a disturbance. I love going on the bridge on the Ruins map and firing across to the Torque Bow/Sniper corner of the opponent. If I time it right I can usually get someone down. Unfortunately I can't get over there to finish them off. But since you automatically die when you've been downed for the third time he's already got one strike against him when my teammates catch up to him.

Now if Gears was like Star Wars Battlefront with up to 32 enemies on a side I would love to just run in there and start firing. It would be double barrel action for me then. But with teams limited to 4 or 5 characters (and no respawns) you've got to be a little more carefull about how you go after the enemy.

Introducing my psychotic dog

You will pay attention to me...


I'm sorry I haven't posted much lately, I've been too exhausted. Part of that has been keeping up with my psychotic dog Zoe so she doesn't destroy my house or the rest of my clothes. The bugs she can have. She likes chasing them, so I don't mind. She loves stirring up the bugs in the grass and then chasing after them. If they hop away (like grasshoppers and crickets do) she'll hop too. It's quit funny to watch.

She thinks that if I get up from where ever I was sitting it instantly becomes her chair. It's hard to persuade her otherwise. And she's figured out that the best way to get my attention while I'm playing video games is to come and put her head on my controller or to start licking my hands (and if she can get her tongue on the controller even better). What does she want when she does this? Someone to pet her and play with her. If I put my feet up on the ottoman and lean back so she can't get to my hands she'll walk back and forth underneath my legs and rub her back on the back of my legs. Like a cat would.

She also thinks she's a lap dog. When I recline back to watch TV she'll jump on my lap and want to sit right on my chest. But first she has to stand and stick her butt in my face for awhile before sitting down. Of course, by then I can't see the TV screen anymore.

She's found of barking at the creepy crawly pool vacuum as it starts to come up on the walls. She loves chewing up my clothes. And when she can't do that she'll start pulling things off of the top of my dresser and throwing them around the room. Or she'll get on the top of my desk and hunt around for a pen to chew. And then there's one dog that shows up every now and then at my parent's house that she growls and barks at. The only problem is that dog is just HER REFLECTION IN A MIRROR. To her, getting from point A to point B is always a straight line, even if she has to vault over furniture (or people sitting on said furniture) to get there.

She's a handful. Extremely friendly (except with kai). Funny. And psychotic. But I'll keep her anyway. It's hard to image what I did without her. Oh, I know, played more video games uninterrupted. I told my mother it's like having a two year old: she's old enough to know her name and what you're telling her, but young enough that she doesn't really care about what you think she should be doing, she's going to do her own thing anyway. That's Zoe.